If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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