Girls should come with a carfax report
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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