I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
