I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
