I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
