So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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