so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
