This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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