That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
