i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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