You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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