youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
