On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
