Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
