he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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