Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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