I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
