You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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