Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
