remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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