I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
