if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
