Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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