I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
