Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
