I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
