Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
