I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
