laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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