yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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