Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
