i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
