Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
