the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
