toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
