I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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