Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
