Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
