wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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