dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
