Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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