I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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