So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
