After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
