Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
