my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
