TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
