I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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