there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize