Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
