my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
