At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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