he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
