Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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