my phone needs a breathalizer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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