I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
