I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
