Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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