Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
