You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
