I'm going to jail i love you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
