My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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