I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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