My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
