How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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