He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
