my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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