I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
