I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
