Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
True strength comes from lack of pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
