He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
