I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
