If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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