It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
