who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
